A husband may feel unhappy if his spouse does not do anything for him, whether on his request or her own. This article provides possible reasons for this situation and strategies to address it.
Why She Does Nothing for You
Here are 6 Possible Reasons:
1. She Might Be Feeling Stuck in Routine
A new analysis from the think tank IPPR reveals that ( 77% ) of married women do more housework compared to their husbands.
If she is always doing more work than you or is constantly busy with other tasks, that may be why she doesn’t do anything for you.
Spouses need time and relaxation to do something for each other or to do something special, which she might not be getting due to involvement in the household or other tasks, and she might be stuck in that.
2. Maybe You’re Not Showing Enough Affection
We hope that you might be showing affection , but it could be that you’re not showing it in the way your wife emotional needs. Research from Binghamton University’s Center found that women who receive less regular affection from their husbands are more likely to feel dissatisfied.
She might feel dissatisfied due to a lack of affection. For example, if she wants to hear “I love you, my wife” from you once a day, but you only say it once a weekend, this could make her feel dissatisfied.
3. Overuse of Technology and Social Media
According to Massachusetts General Hospital, digital distraction can strain relationships. If we use devices too much, others might feel ignored.
For example, if she is an Model and uses social media, or if she has a job or runs a business and spends a lot of time on her laptop and mobile phone, you might be unintentionally ignored due to digital distractions.
4. She Doesn’t Understand You Properly
Spouses can only do things for each other when they fully understand each other and know their needs.
It’s possible she doesn’t properly understand what you want emotionally and physically. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to do anything for you; rather, you might not have built a proper understanding with her yet. You may understand her, but perhaps she doesn’t fully understand you.
5. Because of Your past Mistake
If either spouse makes a mistake or misbehaves, apologizing right away or resolving the issue is a healthy practice in a marriage. Ignoring it can create conflict in the relationship.
For example, if your spouse did something special or efforts for you, whether you asked her to or not, and you made a mistake in that situation, it’s possible that mistake is still on her mind. Because of this, she might not be doing anything for you now and could be upset.
6. Intimacy
According to BetterHelp, if there is no overall intimacy in the marriage, then either you or your partner might see each other as a roommate rather than a loving spouse.
For example, if you don’t show intimacy with her, or even if you do, it’s not in the way she wants or without taking her feedback, this isn’t a good practice. A spouse would want to do everything for a loving partner, not just for a roommate.
How can I address the issue?
Here are 5 effective strategies you can consider:
1. Express Appreciation
Expressing gratitude to loved ones enhances connection and relationship satisfaction. Couples who regularly show gratitude tend to spend more time together.
For example, whenever she does something that shows she cares, like cooking your favorite dish or washing clothes, make sure to appreciate her.
This can help her feel more connected to you and satisfied in the relationship. When you show appreciation, she will likely want to spend more time with you and may be more willing to do things for you, as she will feel more satisfied in the relationship.
2. Make Efforts According to Her Expectations
You should meet her expectations and make efforts in your relationship. For example, if she wants you to care for and understand her, don’t ignore her needs. While we hope you already care, you should care in a way that aligns with her expectations so she feels valued and is more likely to do things for you in return.
When you make an effort, she will feel that if you are making an effort, she should also make an effort.
3. Discuss Her Interests
Do not ignore her interests, whether you like them or not. When you get involved in her interests, she will also start to learn about all of your interests.
4. Support Her Goals
If you do not support her, she might feel that her goals are not valued, which can lead to disappointment and anger. Her anger and disappointments might prevent her from doing everything for you.
5. Solve Problems as a Team
If you have made a mistake in the past, apologize to ease her anger. Whenever you feel that she is not doing something special for you or seems unwilling, address the issue as a team. If there are ongoing issues in the relationship, seek guidance from a relationship therapist.
6. Give Your Wife Love
Use words and care that she wants to hear and see. You can also ask your wife what she likes and what makes her happy in your relationship. For example, if your wife prefers having deep conversations with you alone without any disturbances, make sure to do that.
Frequently asked questions
Here are some common questions about dealing with a situation where your spouse does not do much or anything for you, along with helpful answers:
Should I Do Everything for her If She Does Nothing for Me?
Yes, if one spouse takes the initiative to improve the relationship on their own, it can make the other spouse happy and motivate them to put in more effort.
For example, if she does not celebrate your birthday, don’t think that she isn’t doing anything. Instead, you should still celebrate her birthday.
Do I Need to Compromise When She Doesn’t Make an Effort or Special for Me?
Compromising can be beneficial if you want your efforts to be reflected in the relationship and encourage your wife to reciprocate. However, you should not compromise on your own health and values.
You should focus on making consistent efforts without thinking about whether she is doing anything for you. If you focus on her lack of effort, it could lead to disappointment and prevent you from continuing to put in effort.
Final Takeaway
Understanding why she may not be doing anything for you involves recognizing potential issues such as feeling overwhelmed by routine tasks, insufficient affection, digital distractions, or misunderstandings.
Improving the situation involves expressing appreciation, aligning with her expectations, supporting her interests, and solving problems together. Taking the initiative to improve the relationship, even if it seems one-sided, can motivate positive changes. Good Luck!
Sources:
- Eight out of ten married women do more housework than their husbands | Source: IPPR
- Research connects affection, attachment style and marriage satisfaction | Source: Binghamton University State University of New York
- Digital Distraction and Its Impact on Your Health | Source: Massachusetts General Hospital
- Managing A Sexless Marriage | Source: Betterhelp
- 10 Reasons to Compromise in a Relationship | Source: Marriage
